Where Excerise is Fun for the Entire Family

So I pick up my kids from school, get them buckled up and off we go. We are generally rushing to get to dance or baseball practice and yet, when I ask my 6 year old daughter, Mia, “how was school today honey”, she says “today at school I had to learn how to spell the word today, (as she giggled) I thought it was funny daddy” … although I struggle to hear her and truly in my heart want to listen, my reply is, “that’s great honey.” 

I then say, “Hey Mason, how was school?” he says “it was fine” but even the way he said it, deep down I know that he really didn’t enjoy school today, however I catch myself in the position of wanting to hear, wanting to be a bigger part of what is going on their lives… and yet, when I am tired, busy or in the middle of something or just not paying attention…  I’ve just missed two amazing opportunities to connect with my kids.

My daughter was excited about school, about the word “today,” I don’t know why, but that is not the point, the point is that had I really listened and took the time to find out I could be encouraging her to want to learn more, to strive, to become even more incredible than she already is.

As for my son, again, I missed a great chance to truly hear what he was saying and maybe help him to find something that he did enjoy about school that day or at least find out why he didn’t have a great day.

It is not always the easiest thing to listen to our kids. Many times they talk when we are talking, in the middle of doing something, tired or rushing to get things done. However, if we really want to help our kids be amazing, get to know what’s going on in their heads, who they really are… we have to listen, really listen when they talk.

Oh, and when they do talk, we should be very careful of putting in our opinions to quickly as we do want to encourage them to be confident and free thinkers. It would be great if we could just listen, allow them to express their feelings, hurt, happiness, sorrow or fears and give them advice as they ask for it rather than because we know better.

Our kids are working on becoming who they are going to be, however lets not forget that they already are who they are now… they have feelings, thoughts, ideas and needs of their own.

Here are a few things that I have learned, or let me say am working on to be a better parent to my children.

When our kids are willing to talk about concerns, we should stop what we are doing, pay total attention to what they are saying and how they are saying it. Only paying half attention means that are missing the other half… and that could be the important part.

This is a very tall order for busy, stressed parents when kids suddenly bring up something in the middle of driving in traffic or…. and we as parents tend to easily feel terrible about not being perfect parents to our children at all times.  More guilt about not being the perfect parent doesn’t help. If we can’t pay total attention at that moment, let our children know we would like to hear more about that at dinner or before bed tonight.

Find quality times each day, if possible, when your kids might want to talk and you are emotionally and totally available. Identify these times like bedtime; snack time or dinner when you can give them your undivided attention.

Show genuine interest in what they are talking about without offering our opinions immediately. This is especially tough when they share about something that is hurting them, however, you might be surprised at their ability to problem solve situations themselves. Even if their interests are Pokemon or tea parties, remember that they will most likely not share all of your interest either.

Many times our children are not looking for answers, rather a way to share or connect or be accepted by us, their parents. A quick reaction can, or most likely will, lead them to be reluctant to share with us any more.

If you are offering advice, try using and instead of but. The word but equals a take away and the word and equals and addition. So instead of that is was good but next time… (Remember that the but just took away your compliment) try and… that was good and next time (you will be building positive rather than subtracting.

Remember to listen to their opinion; even if it is tough to hear or not sure if they are clear on the topic. Clearly expressing yourself is something that takes practice and encouraging our kids to have that skill at a young age will be a tremendous help in their self-confidence.

Be really clear on what it is that they are asking for. Sometimes repeating back to them what you think you have heard will make sure that you are clear. If not, they can let you know. Remember that it may be frustrating for you not to understand what they are telling you, and it must be equally frustrating for them to not be able to get their needs or ideas across clearly.

Share with them things that are going on with you… Work, sports, and fun things you did during the day. By sharing yourself you will be showing them the way to communicate. Kids learn more by watching us, the parents then by any other means.

By the way… When putting my daughter, Mia to bed I asked her why she thought today was so funny… her answer, “daddy, today is funny because it is two words together TO and DAY… she then giggled and rolled over to go to sleep with a nice smile on her face.

A wise man, John Wooden, once told me “be quick, but don’t hurry”. Well I can honestly say that I am striving to fit that into my life in many places and none more then when being around my kids.

Aaron Locks
Parent of Mason 8-½ and Mia age 6.